3 Common Challenges When Discovering Core Values & How To Overcome Them
It is very normal to feel confused or stumped when discovering your core values, particularly if you haven’t tried doing it before. If you’re new to this, just remember that identifying your values takes practice, just like any new skill.
And like learning any new skill, different challenges can present themselves along the way. So we’re here to help out with a few of the most common challenges, and tips for gaining more clarity to overcome challenges you may face.
Here’s what to expect for this post:
The challenges that may arise when discovering core values are only really steering you towards what is truly aligned with you. So, remember to be kind and compassionate with yourself. Let’s get steering.
Addressing Challenges & Common Obstacles When Identifying Personal Core Values
Values Authentic To You vs External Influences
Determining values that are authentic to you vs external influences is one of the most common obstacles when discovering core values.
It tends to stop us in our tracks because something doesn’t feel quite right about what we’re picking. This happens pretty often and needs just a bit more digging into who we really are.
A great way to overcome this is to know what your intrinsic and extrinsic motivators are and why. Our previous blog post goes into much more detail about this and includes self-reflection exercises to help overcome this obstacle—super helpful supplements to identifying your core values!
Knowing what you enjoy for yourself and your benefit vs external factors can help immensely in identifying what is true to you. This is because you are omitting what does not align with who you are and are instead embracing the parts that do.
The parts of your life that fill your cup, the parts that make you feel your most peaceful, resilient, and whole are where your values are found.
It is so important not to dismiss what you love and care about out of fear of actually wanting and caring about it, or external influences. Hence why, when discovering your core values, exploring what you care about deeply first can help you combat external influences.
Internal Obstacle: Indecision
When we are discovering core values, indecision can feel like this unspoken pressure and can therefore overwhelm us.
Indecision can commonly come from:
Not having enough clarity on what is important or true to you;
Not categorising your values across your life’s most relevant areas (e.g., personal, relationship, work, etc.);
Being afraid to want what you actually care about and love (and being transparent with yourself); or
Thinking and believing you are forever bound by what you decide on now, and that no changes can or ‘should’ be made.
There are more contributing factors that pertain to who we are as individuals, but these four tend to be the most common across the board. It doesn’t have to be just one reason, either. It’s usually a combination of these and our own experiences.
When identifying and applying your core values, one of the most important things to remember is that your values change as you do.
You should not be bound by what no longer serves you, and remembering this can ease your indecision.
Choose what feels best for you now. You can always change it out if or when it no longer applies to you after being more intentional and trying out its alignment with you.
You can also gain more clarity through self-reflection exercises, or take the time to categorise your values across the areas of life most important to you. Be honest, compassionate and kind with yourself. These are your values, after all.
External Obstacle: The Pressures of Society
As we’ve touched on previously, outlining your intrinsic and extrinsic motivators helps immensely in determining your core values. These also help in distinguishing between what is true to you and what society has led you to think is ‘true’ to you.
These pressures are external obstacles to identifying your core values, and can really impact how you perceive yourself, your life and your authenticity.
Examples of societal pressures that influence your values:
Upbringing and childhood
Your family dynamic and the expectations from your parents or broader family
Religious or cultural norms you were raised with
Social media
Idealising lifestyles that do not align with what you truly care about (leads to feelings of FOMO, guilt or regret)
How success is portrayed and how it differs from what you define as success for yourself
Fear of exclusion or disapproval
People-pleasing to avoid conflict, feelings of rejection or alienation, or negative emotions by choosing values you do not align with
Pressure to prioritise success, financial stability, or a career over your own wellbeing, meaning and fulfilment
We, as humans, are wired for connection and community. This means that we value whatever maintains this connection (e.g., interactions, cultural norms, traditions, etc.), which keep us averse to any actions that prevent us from it.
This means we are more likely to dismiss when these do not align with us and our values. This is why identifying what your intrinsic and extrinsic motivators can be super helpful when discovering your core values.
Tips For Gaining More Clarity
It’s normal to need a bit more clarity around what is true to you, so doing a bit more digging and self-reflection might be needed. Below are some additional exercises to help you gain more clarity:
Exercise A: Journal Freely About Meaningful Moments In Your Life
Action: Write freely about these moments! Just write whatever comes to mind without overthinking it
e.g., times where you felt proud of your decision or action, or moments when you felt your most authentic self or felt fulfilled
Reflect on these moments by asking:
What words would I use to describe how I felt and why this made me feel this way?
Are there values here that I know I’d never compromise on? If so, note them down
Gain more clarity through:
Digging into your subconscious thoughts to identify not-so-obvious values you may overlook
Exercise B: The Five Whys
What are they?
Used as a problem-solving practice at the core of Toyota’s work, The Five Whys involves simply asking ‘why’ five times to get to the root of a problem
It can also be used when determining the purpose or reasoning behind things (across any area of life) to better inform your decisions or actions
Actions:
Select one of the values you have noted (e.g., self-respect)
Ask yourself, “Why is [this value] important to me?” - jot down your answer
Repeat this step five times to get to the deeper layer each time
For example:
Why do I value self-respect? Because I want to actively honour my wellbeing, neurodiversity and authenticity.
Why? Because when I people-please and sacrifice my own needs, I drain my energy and capacity.
Why? Because I am accommodating the needs and values of others, which are not aligned with my own.
And so forth.
Gain more clarity through:
Determining the degree of their importance to you; and
Indecision about values by uncovering reasons behind each one, helping you determine its alignment with you
Exercise C: The Peak and Pit Reflection
Action: Journal about peak moments in your life (e.g., when you felt joyful, at peace, deeply fulfilled or proud) and pit moments in your life (e.g., when you felt misaligned, disconnected, or lost)
For your peak moments, what values were present at this time? Jot these down.
For your pit moments, what values were missing at this time? Jot these down.
Gain more clarity through:
Identifying values and recurring themes that resonate most with you through analysing their presence or absence in life’s highs and lows
We also have exercises in a previous blog post for self-reflection that can help with gaining more clarity, if you’d like some alternatives!
The Importance Of Continuous Self-Discovery
The importance of continuous self-discovery simply lies in the fact that we are ever-evolving creatures. This means we are constantly keeping up with our own changes and seasons. Much like we feel the need the keep up with what our society is up to, we also want to keep up with our own lives and true selves.
The beauty of your values is that they represent who you are in any season of life. As much as they may change over time, the purpose of your values remains consistent—they are guide posts for feeling your safest, most peaceful, and most authentic.
You absolutely have to think about yourself and your wellbeing when identifying and aligning with your values, no matter how uncomfortable it is initially.
You will also have to do it for every time after that. Because there will be more times after that with how natural it is that we evolve.
You were always made to grow, just like every other aspect of your life, and your values are no exception.
So, keep up with yourself like you do with your outside world. In fact, prioritise it. The world around us changes so rapidly that in our haste to keep on top of it, we forget how the world within us does so, too.
Through continuous self-discovery, staying connected with our values is a means of keeping up with our authenticity, and therefore our fulfilment, contentment and peace. So make those Values Dates with yourself and check in regularly with intentionality. We promise this really is worth it. You really are worth it.
As you start discovering your core values, we can’t help but get excited for you! Welcome to more freedom to focus on what truly matters. Welcome to room for life’s bigger moments.
- Little Lydia
Still have questions about the process?
Feel free to reach out to us here! As your authenticity’s biggest advocates, we’re always here to help you at any stage of your journey and we would love to hear from you